It had been a while since I last posted, life had presented me with a great many obstacles to surmount and most of my energy was devoted towards making sure that I was able to pass through them without stress and worry, but mainly to even just get through them. It seems like a great chapter of my life is now over and I have been left with the mental space to consider what life will offer me next. I have felt somewhat dazed after getting married, moving to the US and finally getting my permanent residence approved. It is like I have succeeded at fulfilling several of my dreams all at once and it has left me in a new and unusual position.
Getting through this has opened up the doors for success in other areas of my life and my own recognition of the way I had previously made things difficult through my own thinking. It now seems that I can move forwards in a joyous and struggle free manner, that things no longer have to be won at great personal cost.
My healing business has reached a new peak with this realisation that I don’t need to work on issues and instead can concentrate on alleviating suffering. This has been such a big change in thinking for me, that I don’t think I want to “work” on anything ever again! It only ever seems to push the problem around and around, rather than diminishing it.
Of course, this has opened up an entirely new can of worms for me to look at. The process or act of “working”. During several acupuncture treatments and in the course of my own meditations I have discover that my right side is somewhat energetically congested. This manifests as areas of tension in my hip, shoulder, jaw and congestion in my ear and sinuses..along with tightening of my tendons. All of which occurs on my right side. From my own studies and several very helpful books, I have understood that the right side pertains to the masculine.
I wouldn’t have looked upon my masculinity with any idea that there might be general blockages there. I would say that I am comfortable in my masculinity and there are no obvious imbalances, yet I understand that the energetic imbalances have their source. Which has led me to dig a little deeper to uncover what the source of this imbalance may be.
Reading several books and articles on the subject I did tend to notice an interesting trend, one that seems to leave a yawning gap. Most articles suggested that Men have an Anima and that women have an Animus. Meaning for those not familiar with Jungian terminology that a Man has a female soul and Woman a male soul. They suggested to bring balance as a man, I need to connect to the inner divine feminine and that will create a balance. You know, connect with your emotions and gentleness. All well and good.
The only problem being that I already have a strong connection to the feminine divine. I have strong dreams in which I am often visited by gentle and wise female figures. I don’t have problems expressing how I feel, nor do I shy away from the gentle and subtle aspects of my self. This was not something that occurred naturally, I had to bring myself to face my fears and accept those parts of myself without recrimination.
What I noticed was missing from the articles and what I have suspected for sometime is that there is little or no understanding of sacred masculinity. There is a pervasive assumption that somehow men do not need to purify or examine their own ideas of masculinity. That simply by being men, we are already “pure” in our masculinity and all we need do is accept our emotions and we will be whole. What about the male part of a man’s soul? Do men not have to consider what it is to be male, or what it is to embody sacred masculinity?
Sure, we have ideas about what it is to be male and what makes a man a man. But this is so often limited to a base generalisation. Drinking, playing competitive sports and being aggressive are several examples that come to mind. But I don’t wish to go too far down this particular path as I am not looking to consider the base man, I am looking to understand what is the pure ideal of masculine energy.
How does aggressiveness become spiritualised? Is it simply transformed into supreme confidence and courage? For me there are many questions that are still yet to be answered and many of them are personal ones. I am yet to find a perfect example of spiritualised masculinity that is not somewhat steeped in the shadowy aspects of patriarchy and oppression.
In my personal life I have shied away from pursuing a career and worldy gain and have taken a gentler road of inner exploration. It seems though that that may well be a part of the imbalance. That my masculinity has not kept up with my inner growth and connection to the anima. I now wonder if we have any examples of sacred masculinity to look upon. How do I connect to that sacred masculinity? Have we as a society and a culture forgotten that we need to have examples of sacred masculinity free of shadow before we can create that within ourselves?
Looking back upon my own personal history I see examples of it in my previous relationships. That I have met two types of women, both who are somewhat incomplete. The divine feminine type, who embody all the good qualities of womanliness, kindness, generosity, subtlety..but who are yet lacking a certain fire. Then there are those who have had the fire, but are distorted in their femininity..the tomboys, the adventurers and the seductresses. Who are I feel a reflection of my own shadowed masculinity. Both are incomplete, flawed. Only when I am able to bring light to my own shadows will I be able to see both combined.
